you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
