So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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