shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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