You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
