you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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