next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
