Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Pooping to opera.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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