awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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