after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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