My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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