he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
