On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
