you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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