I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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