he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
