i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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