I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
