Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
