why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
