you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize