the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
