Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize