im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
