It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
