Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize