Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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