Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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