my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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