you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
