woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
