respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
