There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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