as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
