oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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