Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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