he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize