If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i dont even know how to be here
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
