I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
