Pregnant stripper...not hot.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
