We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
