sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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