I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
