Sry I called you an 8
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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