I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
