Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
