That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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