i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
