I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
