I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
