I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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