I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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