I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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