yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
