I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
