I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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