Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
