Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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