You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
