So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize