I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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