the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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