a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
