you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
