you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize