So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
