dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
