Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
