i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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