Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
