Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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