I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
