It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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