ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you didnt know i had herpes?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
They took my balls.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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