Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
