remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i love accidental penises.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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