So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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