Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i dont even know how to be here
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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