i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
