Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
