mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
