your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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