All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Welp...herpes.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
