soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
