My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
