Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
