so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
