I'm gonna have a badass scar
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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