Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
