Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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