$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
