i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
