my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize