I just made out with a guy for $7.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
