Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
