Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
