Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
