Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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