In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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