What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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