In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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