I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize